Best Response Ever To A Cheating Husband. This Is Hilarious.

MOST AMAZING DIVORCE LETTER

Dear Ex-Wife,

It brings me no joy to inform you that I’m leaving you for good. For 7 years, I’ve been a devoted husband and I have nothing to show for it. The past 2 weeks have been unbearable. … When your employer informed me that you resigned from your job today, that was the final blow. Just last week, you didn’t even recognize that I got my hair cut, prepared your most-loved dish, and sported a fresh pair of silk shorts. You scarfed down the meal in minutes and headed straight to bed after binge-watching all your shows. You stopped saying “I love you,” show zero interest in intimacy or any kind of connection that a marriage should have. It’s clear, you’re either cheating or your love has faded; either way, I’m out.

Your Former Hubby

P.S. Don’t bother looking for me. Your SISTER and I are starting a new life in West Virginia! Wishing you all the best!

Dear Former Spouse,

Your note brightened my day more than you could imagine. Indeed, we have been husband and wife for 7 years, yet describing you as a ‘good man’ is quite the stretch. Your relentless moaning has been so overwhelming that I turned to my daytime dramas as an escape—regrettably, even they have their limits. When you got your hair styled last week, my initial thought was ‘He looks like a lass!’ Opting for kindness, I swallowed my words. Regarding the dinner, I think you’ve confused me with MY SISTER, because I haven’t touched pork in the last 7 years. And regarding those silk boxers you flaunted, I shied away when I saw the $49.99 tag still attached—and suspiciously my sister had just borrowed $50 that same morning. Despite it all, my love for you persuaded me to believe we might salvage our relationship. When I won 10 million dollars in the lottery, I quit my job and snapped up two tickets to Jamaica for us. But, by the time I returned, you were already gone. Perhaps it was all meant to be. I envisage you’ll find the joy you’re after. My attorney has assured me that the letter you sent will make sure you won’t receive a penny of it. Best wishes.

Regard, Your Wealthy, Liberated Ex-Wife

P.S. Did I ever mention that my sister Carla actually started out as Carl? Hope that’s not an issue for you.