Hilarious (But Real) Exchanges Between Pilots, Flight Attendants, And Passengers
These are genuine snippets collected from the airline industry.
1. A captain’s cheeky comment.
During a flight with Continental, the captain announced, “We’ve reached a comfortable cruising level and are dimming the lights to make your ride more pleasant and possibly improve how the flight crew appears.”
2. Cabin crew’s parting advice.
As passengers disembarked, a flight attendant jokingly reminded them, “Remember to collect all your personal items. If you choose to leave something, kindly ensure it’s something we’d appreciate keeping.”
3. A flight attendant’s witty safety briefing.
“While love might offer 50 ways to say goodbye, I assure you there are only 4 emergency exits on this aircraft.”
4. An airline with a sense of humor.
A Delta Business Express announcement poked fun with the words, “We appreciate you choosing to do business with us as much as we’ve loved taking you for a journey.”
5. A pilot’s reality check.
Following a turbulent touchdown in Memphis, a Northwest flight attendant proclaimed, “Due caution is advised when accessing the overhead bins as the contents have likely shifted after such an eventful landing.”
6. Seat belt wisdom from the skies.
A Southwest Airlines staffer humorously instructed, “To fasten your seatbelt, connect the metal tab to the buckle. It’s a standard belt, and if you haven’t mastered this life skill, perhaps you shouldn’t venture into the world alone.”
7. Choosing favorites in tough situations.
“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will appear. Prioritize your own breathing before helping others. For those with more than one youngster, now’s the time to finally pick a favorite.”
8. Promising better weather on arrival.
“The climate at our destination is a crisp 50 degrees with partial clouds, but rest assured, we’ll work on clearing them up by the time we land. And remember, no one treasures you and your business like Southwest Airlines.”
9. Shorebound souvenirs.
“In case of a water landing, you may use your seat cushion as a flotation device. Please paddle to safety with our compliments on your new nautical accessory.”
10. The ultimate leftover claim policy.
“As we disembark, collect all your possessions. Anything forgotten will be equally distributed among the crew. We kindly ask that you not leave any spouses or children behind.”
11. A comical captain’s greeting.
A Pilot’s welcome aboard Delta Airlines included a sarcastic twist, “We are proud to have some of the industry’s finest cabin crew. Sadly, they’re all on other flights!”
12. Addressing a bumpy arrival with humor.
Post a jarring landing on Southwest, a crew member quipped over the intercom, “Don’t blame the crew, the pilots, or the airline. Let’s just say the asphalt didn’t cooperate.”
13. A rough touchdown gets a comedic spin.
Amid harsh winds in Amarillo, following a particularly challenging landing, a flight attendant welcomed passengers with, “Welcome to Amarillo, where our Captain has expertly parked what remains of the aircraft at the gate. Please stay seated until further notice.”
14. When the captain becomes a marsupial.
During a less-than-graceful touchdown, a quick-witted attendant encouraged passengers, “Please stay in your seats while Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
15. An unforgettable enquiry.
Post a hefty landing, a pilot had to face passengers on exit. Bracing for criticism, he was approached by an elderly lady who asked, “Young man, did we just land or were we shot down?”
16. A memorable welcome to Phoenix.
After a less than gentle landing, the attendant greeted passengers with a unique welcome, “Ladies and Gentlemen, stay seated until we’ve screeched to a halt at the gate. After the smoke clears and the alarms cease, you’re free to navigate the debris to the terminal.”
17. A candid invite back to the skies.
Following the flight, an attendant imparted, “We’re delighted you chose to fly with us. When the urge to soar through the stratosphere in an enclosed metal craft strikes again, we hope US Airways is your top pick.”
18. A captain’s harrowing prank.
Leaving JFK, the Captain’s serene message was abruptly cut short by a cry of alarm, leaving passengers in suspense. Moments later, he returned to the intercom apologizing for the fright, explaining a flight attendant spilt coffee on him. In coach, a passenger couldn’t resist adding, “Well, that’s nothing compared to the back of my pants!”
