Husband confesses having sex with his wife’s sister. However, she responded in the nicest way I’ve ever read.

ULTIMATE SPLIT-UP MISSIVE

Dearest Partner,

This correspondence is to inform you that I’ve embarked on a new path, one that no longer includes you. During our shared seven years, I’ve extended all kindness, yet it has yielded little in return.

The past fortnight has been harrowing. The last straw was learning from your boss that you relinquished your employment today.

When you came home the previous week, you didn’t notice my newly shorn hair or the culinary efforts I made to prepare your most-liked meal. I was even sporting a new pair of silken shorts.

You devoured your meal in mere moments and proceeded to sleep off the rest of the evening following your series marathon.

You’ve ceased to express affection or demonstrate any interest in intimacy or shared connection. I am parting ways with you, whether due to your infidelity or mere disaffection.

Your Former Partner

PS: Do not attempt to trace my whereabouts. I will be settling down in West Virginia with YOUR SIBLING! I wish you well henceforth.

Dear Ex-Partner,

Your departure note has unexpectedly lifted my spirits. Though we have been companions in matrimony for seven, your claim as an upstanding spouse isn’t as accurate as you presume.

I find solace in television narratives, as they serve to drown out your incessant complaints – albeit not consistently successful.

I did indeed recognize your hair alteration the other week; however, it reminded me more of a feminine style than anything else. My upbringing nuderscores that if I have naught pleasant to say, I should hold my tongue, and thus I did. And your attempt at making a nostalgic pork dish overlooks that I rejected pork from my diet long ago, which perhaps rings a bell to my sibling’s tastes, not mine.

And about the silky undergarments you donned – it hardly seemed coincidental that they bore a tag with a price curiously matching the sum I had lent my sibling that same day.

Nevertheless, my affection endured, and I entertained thoughts of reconciliation. Hence, when a $10 million lottery windfall graced me, I left my job and planned a tropical escape for us. Alas, you absconded before we could rekindle.

It seems fate has its designs. I wish you all the happiness you’ve yearned for. Rest assured, the words you’ve penned mean you are without claim to my newfound riches, as confirmed by my legal counsel. Enjoy forging ahead.

Your affluent and emancipated former spouse,

PS: Doubtless an oversight, but did I ever mention my sibling Carla was, in originality, born Carl? I trust this revelation bears no inconvenience to you.

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