My Teenage Daughter Got Pregnant, and I Refuse to Raise the Baby

It is common to hear stories of parents leaving their children in the care of grandparents for various reasons. That’s why grandparents play an active role in the upbringing and education of their grandchildren. But they are not always willing to raise a child again, as in the case of our next story.

My 17-year-old daughter —the youngest, and we had her when we were older— is 7 weeks pregnant and will be 18 before she gives birth. She is not in a relationship with the father, who really, I cannot stress this enough, does not want a baby. Honestly, I doubt he will show up for the birth or any other related commitments.

Despite the advice of virtually every adult in her life, she has decided to go through with the pregnancy. After insisting not only on continuing the pregnancy but also on raising the baby, I asked her how she plans to handle the situation. This is more or less what we discussed:

• She: I will get a job.
• Me: Who will take care of the baby while you are working?
• Her: I thought you and Dad could do it.
• Me: Absolutely not. I’m not raising another baby.

Basically, it was an exchange of views that led me to think that if she had this baby in our house, I would practically become its mother. I recently retired, and my husband will be retiring in exactly 11 months, so I don’t want to spend my retirement years this way. It’s not fair to us.

I told my daughter she has until the baby is born to find another place to live. My husband has always been very forgiving of her —which is usually lovely; I love how much he loves our kids— so he doesn’t agree with me, but I think we need to be united on this.

This grandmother-to-be is in a complex situation, but so is her daughter. That’s why we at Bright Side have found some tips that might be helpful in similar situations.

• Encourage Long-Term Planning: Helping the young pregnant woman set goals and a long-term plan can be critical. Together, parents and child can explore educational and career options that provide financial stability and a clear path to the future.
• Encourage Self-Care: Remembering the importance of self-care is essential. Advising on the need to take time to rest, maintaining good mental and physical health, and seeking out moments of self-care will contribute to overall well-being during this time.
• Support the Building of a Social Support Network: Encouraging the mother to build a strong social support network can make all the difference. Connecting her with friends, family, or community groups that can offer emotional and practical help will create a supportive environment that is valuable for coping with challenges that may arise.